2016年12月英语四级阅读200篇：如何处理困难思维导图

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　　How to Deal With Difficult People 　　In New York City one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was hurrying for a train, she suggested a route.

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2016年12月英语四级阅读200篇：如何处理困难思维导图模板大纲

HowtoDealWithDifficultPeople

InNewYorkCityoneday,abusinesswomangotintoataxi.Becauseitwasrushhourandshewashurryingforatrain,shesuggestedaroute."I'vebeenacabby(车夫)for15years!"thedriveryelled."YouthinkIdon'tknowthebestwaytogo?"

Thewomantriedtoexplainthatshehadn'tmeanttooffendhim,butthedriverkeptyelling.Shefinallyrealizedhewastooupsettobereasonable.Soshedidtheunexpected."Youknow,you'reright,"shetoldhim."Itmustseemdumbformetoassumeyoudon'tknowthebestwaythroughthecity."

Takenaback,thedriverflashedhisrideraconfusedlookintherear-viewmirror,turneddownthestreetshewantedandgothertothetrainontime."Hedidn'tsayanotherwordtherestoftheride,"shesaid,"untilIgotoutandpaidhim.Thenhethankedme."

Whenyouencounterpeoplelikethiscabdriver,there'sanirresistibleurgetodiginyourheels.Thiscanleadtoprolongedarguments,souredfriendships,lostcareeropportunitiesandbrokenmarriages.Asaclinicalpsychiatrist,I'vediscoveredonesimplebutextremelyunlikelyprinciplethatcanpreventvirtuallyanyconflictorotherdifficultsituationfrombecomingarecipefordisaster.

Thekeyistoputyourselfintheotherperson'sshoesandlookforthetruthinwhatthatpersonissaying.Findawaytoagree.Theresultmaysurpriseyou.

SulkersSteve's14-year-oldson,Adam,hadbeenirritableforseveraldays.WhenSteveaskedwhy,Adamsnapped,"Nothing'swrong!Leavemealone!"andstalkedofftohisroom.

Weallknowpeoplelikethis.Whenthere'sproblem,theymaysulk(生闷气)oractangryandrefusetotalk.

Sowhat'sthesolution?First,SteveneedstoaskhimselfwhyAdamwon'ttalk.Maybetheboyisworriedaboutsomethingthathappenedatschool.OrhemightbeangryathisdadbutafraidtobringitupbecauseStevegetsdefensivewheneverheiscriticized.Stevecanpursuethesepossibilitiesthenexttimetheytalkbysaying,"Inoticedyou'reupset,andIthinkitwouldhelptogettheproblemoutintheopen.ItmaybehardbecauseIhaven'talwayslistenedvery•58•

well.Ifso,IfeelbadbecauseIloveyouanddon'twanttoletyoudown."

IfAdamstillrefusestotalk,Stevecantakeadifferenttack:"I'mconcernedaboutwhat'sgoingonwithyou,butwecantalkthingsoverlater,whenyou'remoreinthemood."

Thisstrategyallowsbothsidestowin:Stevedoesn'thavetocompromiseontheprinciplethatultimatelytheproblemneedstobetalkedoutandresolved.Adamsavesfacebybeingallowedtowithdrawforawhile.

Noisycritics.Recently,IwascounsellingabusinessmannamedFrankwholendstobeoverbearing(专横的)whenhe'supset.FranktoldmethatIwastooabsent-mindedwithmoneyandthatheshouldn'thavetopayateachofoursessions.Hewantedtobebilledmonthly.

IfeltannoyedbecauseitseemedFrankalwayshadtohavethingshisway.IexplainedthatIhadtriedmonthlybilling,butithadn'tworkedbecausesomepatientsdidn'tpay.Frankarguedthathehadimpeccable(无可挑剔的)creditandknewmuchmoreaboutcreditandbillingthanIdid.

SuddenlyIrealizedIwasmissingFrank'spoint."Youareright,"Isaid."I'mbeingdefensive.Weshouldfocusontheproblemsinyourlifeandnotworrysomuchaboutmoney."

Frankimmediatelysoftenedandbegantalkingaboutwhatwasreallybotheringhim,whichweresomepersonalproblems.Thenexttimewemet,hehandedmeacheckfor20sessionsinadvance!

Therearetimes,ofcourse,whenpeopleareunreasonablyabusiveandyoumayneedtojustwalkawayfromthesituation.Butiftheproblemisonethatyouwantsolved,it'simportanttoallowtheotherpersontokeepsomeself-esteem.There'snearlyalwaysagrainoftruthintheotherperson'spointofview.Ifyouacknowledgethis,heorshewillbelessdefensiveandmorelikelytolistentoyou.

Complainers.Bradisa32-year-oldDetroitchiropractor(按摩师)whorecentlydescribedhisfrustrationwithapatientofhis:"IaskMr.Barry,'Howareyoudoing?'andhedumpsouthiswholelifestory-hisfamilyproblemsandhisfinancialdifficulties.Igivehimadvice,butheignoreseverythingItellhim."

Bradneedstorecognizethathabitualcomplainersusuallydon'twantadvice.Theyjustwantsomeonetolistenandunderstand.SoBradmightsimplysay:"soundslikearoughweek,It'snofuntohaveunpaidbills,peoplenaggingyou,andthispainbesides."Thecomplainerwillusuallyrunoutofgasandstopcomplaining.Thesecretisnottogiveadvice.Justagreeingandvalidatingaperson'spointofviewwillmakethatpersonfeelbetter.

Demandingfriends.Difficultpeoplearen'talways-,angryorjustcomplaining.Sometimestheyaredifficultbecauseofthedemandstheyplaceuponus.Maybeafriendputsyouonthespotwitharequesttorunanerrandforhimwhilehe'soutoftown.Ifyouhaveacrowdedschedule,youmayagreebutendupangryandresentful.Orifyousaynointhewrongway,yourfriendmayfeelhurtandunhappy.Theproblemisthat,caughtoffguard,youdon'tknowhowtodealwiththesituationinawaythatavoidsbadfeelings.

OnemethodI'vefoundhelpfulis"punting".You'repuntingwhenyoutellthepersonyouneedtothinkabouttherequestandthatyou'llgetbackaboutit.Sayacolleaguecallsandpressuresmetogivealectureathisuniversity.I'velearnedtosay,"I'mflatteredthatyouthoughtofme.Letmecheckmyschedule,andI'llcallyouback."

ThisgivesmetimetodealwithanyfeelingsofguiltifIhavetosayno.SupposeIdecideitisbettertodecline;puntingallowmetoplanwhatIwillsaywhenIcallback,"Iappreciatebeingasked,"Imightindicate,"butIfindI'mover-committedrightnow.However,Ihopeyou'llthinkofmeinthefuture."

Respondingtodifficultpeoplewithpatienceandempathycanbetough,especiallywhenyoufeelupset.Butthemomentyougiveupyourneedtocontrolorberight,theotherpersonwillbeginrelaxingandstartlisteningtoyou.TheGreekphilosopherEpictetusunderstoodthiswhenhesaidnearly2,000yearsago,"Ifsomeonecriticizesyou,agreeatonce.Mentionthatifonlytheotherpersonknewyouwell,therewouldbemoretocriticizethanthat!"

Realcommunicationresultsfromaspiritofrespectforyourselfandfortheotherperson.Thebenefitscanbeamazing.

1.Theprinciplethewriterhasdiscoveredtostopanyconflictfromgoingworseistofindawaytoagree.

2.Thetaxidriverthankedthebusinesswomanbecauseshewasverypolitetohim.

3.Difficultpeoplementionedinthepassageincludethosewhogiveoccasionalcomplaints.

4.Onewaytodealwiththepersonwhoisunreasonablyabusiveistowalkawayfromthesituation.

5.IfMr.BarryhadfollowedBrad'sadvice,hewouldhavesolvedallhispersonalproblems.

6.Whathabitualcomplainersneedisagoodlistener.

7.Itwillendupinunhappinesswhetheryouhavesatisfiedyourfriend'srequestornot.

8.Youwillberewardedwitharealcommunicationifyou______forothers.

9.Adifficultpersoncanbecomearelaxingandgoodconversationalpartnerifyou______