为帮助各位网友更好地备考作文考试,特对四存在的典型错误用例文进行精彩点评。
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CET写作典型错误点评思维导图模板大纲
为帮助各位网友更好地备考作文考试,特对四存在的典型错误用例文进行精彩点评。由于下面一些例文中错误较多,点评时只是列举了部分的典型错误,而且为了保持原文面貌,编辑没有做过多的改动,所以欢迎大家一起来挑错,有问题一起讨论。
作文题目:“WomenintheModernWorld”
1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.________
2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.______
3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.__
例1.(2分段)
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.
(1)缺乏逻辑,东一句西一句,没有围绕中心论述,如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变,说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。
(2)用汉语思维,句子有明显的汉语痕迹,如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”,应改为“Womencandowhatmencando”。
(3)衔接不自然,没有用适当的关联词,如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”,应改为“Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”
(4)拼写错误很多,大部分句子均有错误。
例2.(5分段)
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women'spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women'likertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanmen.Everyoneshoulddotheirbesttochangethiscondition.I'msure,theliberationofwomenwouldbeincreased.
专家点评:切题。论证充分,有说服力,论证手段丰富(举例、正反)表达思想清楚,语言流畅,词汇丰富,连贯性好。用词准确,仅有个别小错误。
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