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四六级写作典型错误分析思维导图

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　　为帮助各位网友更好地备考12月24日作文考试，特对四存在的典型错误用例文进行精彩点评。

树图思维导图提供四六级写作典型错误分析在线思维导图免费制作，点击“编辑”按钮，可对四六级写作典型错误分析进行在线思维导图编辑，本思维导图属于思维导图模板主题，文件编号是：7646d30731b30439b8782fa8ff8bfaf9

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为帮助各位网友更好地备考12月24日作文考试，特对四存在的典型错误用例文进行精彩点评。由于下面一些例文中错误较多，点评时只是列举了部分的典型错误，而且为了保持原文面貌，编辑没有做过多的改动，所以欢迎大家一起来挑错，有问题一起讨论。

作文题目："WomenintheModernWorld"

英语作文提纲：

1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.________

2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.______

3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.__

例1．（2分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.

东方教育点评：条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理解。具体问题剖析如下：

(1)缺乏逻辑，东一句西一句，没有围绕中心论述，如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变，说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。

（2）用汉语思维，句子有明显的汉语痕迹，如"Whatmencandosocanwomen."，应改为"Womencandowhatmencando"。

（3）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如"Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened"，应改为"Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens."

（4）拼写错误很多，大部分句子均有错误。

例2．（5分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women'spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women'likertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanmen.Everyoneshoulddotheirbesttochangethiscondition.I'msure,theliberationofwomenwouldbeincreased.

东方教育点评：基本切题。但表达思想不清楚，连贯性差。有较多的严重语言错误。具体问题剖析：

（1）各段围绕中心句论述不深入，没有说服力。

（2）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些"besides"、"ontheotherhand"、"furthermore"、"inaddition"等。

（3）语言错误较多，很多句子不通顺，如"Intoday,manywomenhaveawork."应改为"Today,manywomengetajob."(滥用介词)；"Inancient,women'spositioninfamilyispity"中pity应改为pitiful（词形误用）等有多处错误。

例3．（8分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.ManyWomentodayareplayinganimportantpartatworksthatwasthoughtonlycouldbedonebythemenbefore.Foranexample.Somewomenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagerofacompany.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Intheworldtoday,moreandmorewomenhavetheirownjob.Theygettheirownsalary,andbecomemoreindependentfromtheirhusband.Withtheeconomicsituationimproved,theirfamilypositionisimproving.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Manyhusbandsonlywanthiswifetostayathome,anddohouseworksordosomeshopping.Theyonlywanttheirwifetobeahousewife,butnotamanagerofacompany.

东方教育点评：基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚，文字勉强连贯；语言错误相当多，其中有一些是严重错误。具体问题剖析：

（1）论证不够深入，缺少事例，缺少说服力。

（2）文字缺连贯、且显累赘，如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并且有适当的转承词。

（3）语言错误相当多，如"Foranexample"，"Somewomenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagerofacompany."应改为"Somewomenareonlongersecretariesintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagersofthecompanies."（单复数）

例4．（11分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Moreandmorewomengotoworktoearnmoneyinsteadofkeepingthehouseorlookingafterthechildren.Womenhaveenteredmanyfieldsofsocietyincludingscientificfield.Asweknow,manywomensportsteamshavewontheworld'schampionssuchasChinesewomen'sVolleyballTeam.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Husbandsarenotthemastersofwivesinmanyplaces.Husbandsandwivesareequalnow.Theyjointogethertoovercomedifficultiesandsharehappiness.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Alsoinsomeplaces.Womenareconsideredbeing"thing"belongtomen.Theyhavelittlechancetofindjobs.Theydon'tgetequalpayforequaljob.Thisisaproblemmustbesolvednotonlybysocietybutalsobywomenthemselves.

东方教育点评：切题。表达思想清楚，文字连贯，用词比较准确，但有少量语言错误，如"Alsoinsomeplaces.Womenareconsideredbeing"thing"belongtomen"，应改为"Alsoinsomeplaces，womenareconsideredbeingthe"things"thatbelongtomen"

例5．（14分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.InManycountries,moreandmorewomenareactingasworkers,farmers,scientistsandevenleaders.Wecansaythatalmostalljobswhichmencandoaredoneperfectlybywomen.Womenarenolongerlookeddownuponbysociety.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women'spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Husbandandwifearenowequalinthefamily.Theycopewithproblemsofdailylifetogether,andsharehappinesswitheachther.Also,youcanhardlyfindoutthatintoday'sfamilies,womenarebeingbusywithdinners,whereasmencomfortablysittinginarmchairs,readingnewspapers.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Anumberofmenstilljealouslyguardtheirrights,andregardwomenasincapablecreature.Fewwomenareallowedtoattendimportantinternationalmeetingsdominatedbymen.That'sreallytheproblemsweshouldsolveimmediately.

专家点评：切题。论证充分，有说服力，论证手段丰富（举例、正反）表达思想清楚，语言流畅，词汇丰富，连贯性好。用词准确，仅有个别小错误。