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A heated issue is still under discussion（避免开头段模版） whether parents or teachers should take the responsibility to give children lessons regarding（固定搭配on/in） being good members in society. While parenting makes a lifelong impact on children,（开头段避免提出下文不重点讨论的观点） I maintain that school is even（不需要使用even比较与强调） more ideal for the socialization.

（插入不定冠词A）School （a）boasts a society-like environment and the （b）special training that turns students into qualified citizens. Firstly, school and society have much in common in terms of community-centered life（语言啰嗦，both school and socity are community-centred）, creating suitable conditions for instruction. Secondly, teachers, the educational professionals can function (人不是物品，建议用perform) as effective guides by（固定搭配in） leading students to right directions in related affairs（避免使用类似中式英语以及不准确的表达）, which contributes to their sound development.（leading与contribute to重复，建议句子合并，...and sound development.） Finally, it is true of students that (it is true that一般用在让步段) school shapes them with opportunities and challenges just like in society.（这个理由属于分论点的a观点，，应该与firstly内容一起讨论，不建议拆开） For example, relationship crises push the learners to work out the peer problems, from which they can learn to deal with interpersonal relations.

Parents, however, show limited advantages in this regard. As the old adage says that parents are children’s first teachers, parents（run-on sentence） turn out to be（turn out是结果的意思，这里应该用are） lively（避免中式英语，这里建议用good） examples for young learners. They can gain refreshing（避免中式英语，refreshing的意思是提神的、凉爽的） ideas from their parents’ life experiences（此处让步段在逻辑上不够扣题，这里并没有强调从家长身上学什么）. But a fact cannot be neglected （缺少谓语，插入is） that parents have difficulty in providing their children with proper surroundings similar to society, giving rise to their failures in socialization-oriented education.（这个理由与上一段内容重复，建议更换） Parents tell anything they consider valuable to children, intending to give life lessons（逻辑跳跃，让步论证再上一处but已结束，不需要再次重复让步） but it meets with predictable ignorance due to a lack of direct connections at home. （这句话在逻辑上并没有解释反驳句，仅仅是在重复）

（建议补充一个实质性的支持理由）

In conclusion, children can enjoy education to be citizens who fit society in school with favorable foundations.（避免在结尾段提出新的概念，文章并没有讨论学校的foundations）

作文得分：任务回应与完成：4分

语言连贯与衔接：6分

词汇丰富程度：5分

语法多样与准确：6分

综合评分：分

往期精彩文章回顾

题目：As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work， job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

What factors contribute to job satisfaction?

How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

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100%的人对雅思作文产生了浓厚的兴趣。在雅思作文教学中，我也采用了多样化的方式，采用多种方式来激发学生的兴趣，让学生有更多的时间来阅读雅思作文作文。通过这几次的教学，我发现了一些问题，我认为最关键的问题是：

As a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become stars and celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live with huge houses and cars.

Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing these super salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists, or even leading politicians who have the responsibilityof governing the country. However, sports salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue.

Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the number of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is a recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform. in their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. So all of thesefactors may justify the huge earnings.

Personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicatesthat our society places more value on sport than on more essential professions and achievements.